New year, new hair, new blah blah blah...

So after sitting on my ass at home for three months, my truck is almost completely fixed. I haven't had my truck since May, which has sucked some serious mutha fuckin' balls. I love my truck so much. It's a total beater... '84 Nissan/Datsun 720 Pickup 2.4 liter. I love it, I love it more when it runs. Dan is almost done rebuilding the carb...I've got a dual carb system on it now, which means it will haul even more ass when I get it back on the road than it did before. Haven't been working either...but that will change when I have wheels again.

Been a busy little bee this weekend. Shot my first for DN with a wonderful local artist known as Michelle Lemon. Incredibly talented young woman. She was nervous about shooting me, because she doesn't feel she's good enough, but I'm extremely happy with the results.

This is from shooting on Friday, but not part of the set I'll be turning in.



I'm completely happy with the results from the shoot. Shot with another photographer today who also happens to be the first photographer I ever shot with when I was 18 or 19, and has become a dear frined over the years. It's been almost 3 years since we did any work together, and it was nice, fun and comfortable. Looking forward to getting off my ass more and more and getting back into modeling.

His name is Malixe. This is an image from my very first photo shoot. Barely legal, and one tattoo.



And here's a favorite from when the last shoot we did roughly 3 years ago...



I'm eager to see what the pics will look like from this evening. But those are for deviant nation as well. I'm getting a lot better at doing my own hair and make-up than I used to be.

I decided to put my passport money towards the band van. I know I've been saving it exclusively for my passport for months now...but either way I'll still get to travel, and I wnat to play shows more than I want to leave the country. Still going to get my passport, and still won't be pulling my piercings for the picture either...I've just decided to wait until we get our taxes back...we need the van running now. I'm not the only one pitching money towards it either...but it's definatly something we need to get done.

I've been in this weird funk lately. I doubt anyone on this site really knows, but for the last 3 years, I've been butsing my ass on my business, that I finally had the throw the towel in on in August, and finilaized the closing of it while doing the taxes this last Tuesday. It was really hard for me to let it go, but I'm the only one left, and it was too big for one person. I've had my energy drained, and have become extremely anti-social since the last issue of the magazine went to print for August. I becamse burnt out on people, burnt out on my friends, and didn't want to deal with anything. So I guess I've been sulking for a while now.

The only times I really get out of the house are to work, regardless if it was my day job, or performance stuff. So this last Friday, I drove out to Bremerton, and went to see my friends band play. I haven't gone to a local show if I wasn't a part of it in so fucking long. Then after band practice yesterday, I fucking did it again...went to another show last night to see another band play that I love. Also met a guy that I went home with that apparently has a problem with premature ejaculation. Was pretty dissapointed about the whole thing, but at least I broke my routine rut, and that was what I was trying to do anyway.

Oh...I got off topic...so because of the magazine falling apart, it pretty much burnt me out on people, and I haven't really enjoyed being in my band as much as I should. Liek even when we played our first show last week, I wasn't uber stoked...I was kind of blah acctually.

It finally dawned on me why. My whole life, when I dive into a project, I dive in head fucking first...straight up, no bullshit, do or die. I didn't do it with my band...I've been holding back. Afraid that no one will pull their weight, and I'll be left holding the bill again, or whatever bullshit...but I haven't been all in. I've been waiting to see what the enthusiasm level of everyone else has been before diving in blindfolded...and that's where I went wrong.

I LIVE MY LIFE FOR ME. It doesn't fucking matter what others do or don't do...what matters is that I do my best, and put my best foot forward, always. If others can't keep up, or try to slow me down...fuck 'em if the won't try. So this last practice, yesterday...I was all in...I felt it, I was happy. It's the first time in a long time that my head wasn't in a million places. I was at practice, jamming with my boys, and I fucking loved it! I can't wait for our show on the 17th. I want to play live, I want to learn the new songs...I'm dedicated, and that's why I decided that I'm putting my passport money into the van so we can play live more without worrying about how we're getting our gear there. Even if no one else pitches on the bill, I don't care...because I'm playing for me, and that ride will help me to achieve my goal of playing as many live shows as I fucking can.

TIOS and TIOS Tacoma is over and done with. Bastard Child is here and now, and that's all that matters. I can still model, and there's no good reason not to do it. There's no good reason to hold myself back, so I'm not going to. I even got some shit off my chest with my guitarist that I had to. He wasn't happy about it, but I had to say it, otherwise I'd start being pist at him all the time. I think we're cool now.

If I fall down, I will get back up again and again and again, as many times as it takes until I reach ALL of my goals. That's just how I roll, and it's not about to change. Break time is over...now it's back to the trenches.