No Cruise Control for Sex Drive
Do you find your sex drive is without gas? Or is it stuck in 3rd gear and your brakes don’t work! As mysterious as the concept of bra sizes, your sex drive will continually vary, regardless of gender. It is not based on one aspect of your total being, but your sex drive, or your desire to have sexual pleasure, is based on multiple factors, whether intrinsic or extrinsic. This article was co-written by Aradia and omniphiliac.
Writer:  omniphiliac Dec 26 07

This article was co-written by Aradia and omniphiliac.
Do you find your sex drive is without gas? Or is it stuck in 3rd gear and your brakes don’t work! As mysterious as the concept of bra sizes, your sex drive will continually vary, regardless of gender. It is not based on one aspect of your total being, but your sex drive, or your desire to have sexual pleasure, is based on multiple factors, whether intrinsic or extrinsic. Simply, we could state that your sex drive is based on the need to procreate the world of mini-you’s, but as humans, we are complex. Factors that influence our sex drive include physical well-being, medications, social, biological, emotions and psychological state. Biologically, researchers have determined a few areas of the brain which influence your sex drive. Structurally, our hypothalamus in the brain assists in the physical response to arousal. If you need an exact location, contact , he will provide the brain map and Green Monkey kidney cells! Also, the amygdala, nestled toward the back of your brain, has found to have a correlation of its size to sex drive. Basically, the larger your….um….amygdala, the larger your sexual appetite! Hormones play a large part in your libido. Hormones are heavily influenced by your physical being. When you decide to skip breakfast and starve yourself, besides getting cranky, your libido decreases. Weight gain or weight loss also disrupts your hormone levels. The change in sex drive is also observed with medications. Hormone replacement, heart medications (e.g. Beta blockers), anti-depressants and hormonal contraception (e.g. the pill) are all well known medications to decrease one’s libido. Not surprisingly, some of the medications above affect your weight, hence effecting your hormone levels. Chaos theory at its best!! Testosterone is a major player in both male and female sex drive. It has been known to increase your desire to pounce on your mate. Both genders possess estrogen and progesterone, but these two hormones play more of a role in the women’s menstrual cycle. Woman, chart through a month, rating your sex drive on a scale of 0 to 5. After one complete menstrual cycle, you can see correlation of your sex drive to the point in your cycle that has shifts in hormonal levels, such as ovulation and menses! And men, this will help you in understanding why one day she cannot keep your paws off of you to why she would rather cuddle on the other days.

Decrease in your desire for sex after childbirth is mainly a result of hormonal changes that are occurring after delivery. Besides the fact of being fatigued and tired, a woman’s body is attempting to regulate itself to a state prior to pregnancy. This could take months to years and can be influenced if you are breastfeeding. My suggestion, it took 9 months of your body going through pregnancy and you should give yourself 9 months of allowing your body to recover. Yet, now you have other potential factors, such as fatigue, post-partum depression and lack of relationship time with your partner, which effects your sex drive also. Besides the biological and physiological influences, your state of mind has an impact on sex drive.

At risk of stating the obvious, your mood effects your daily activities. Waking up grumpy and depressed can make one only want to stay in bed all day, or at least put in half the effort in your responsibilities. Specifically depression, anxiety and frustration can have a negative effect on your sex drive. For some people, sex is a great way to relieve stress from school, work or even relationship issues. However for some, such stress can preoccupy one's mind to the point where not even rough and tumble make up sex will do the trick. Think of it as a hierarchy, in order to satisfy one's urge/need/desire other needs must be fulfilled (thank you Abraham Maslow). Sex usually requires the right state of mind, therefore when one's mind is wrapped up in worries it becomes difficult to get into the sex zone (think about the danger zone in Top Gun). Furthermore, if one's depression or anxiety is based on poor body image, then this can put a halt on sex drive more than a Chinese hooker to a person who prefers Ecuadorian hookers. If getting sexed up doesn't make you feel like a sexy dirty south mistress then why have sex? While for some people getting the sex can boost their self-image immensely, others will have a really hard time not thinking about how ugly they feel. Another common psychological factor in preventing your sexing is trauma associated with sex. This can be sexual assault at any age or even experiencing sexual harassment. Sexual trauma will often put a complete halt on someone's sex drive due to the horrific experience associated with sex. With time, understanding, reflection, therapy, and closure, can come a reawakening of sexual desire.

Sex drive is not only gauged by biological and psychological factors. Believe it or not, sex drive is also affected by the culture we live in. As with anything else in our daily lives, we are consciously and unconsciously motivated by what society and culture deems acceptable. In highly religious societies, sex can often be viewed as innately sinful unless for reproductive purposes. And do not kid yourself if you think that we in the States do not live in a religiously driven society. Religious and cultural views taught to us as children can carry on through our adult life. Whether it is about masturbation, pre-marital sex or same sex desires, these views do not magically disappear from our psyche when we become certifiable adults. Such views are also taught to us regarding sex drive. Time and time again, black and white gender roles are forced down our supple throats in yet another way with the ideation that women as sexless and men are sex bombs. While some women in their 20's or 30's may have gotten over this sexual complex, there are plenty of adolescent girls and young women who have experienced massive amounts of confusion and/or guilt simply because they are realizing that they too are sexual beings. A lot of the pressure on women to be sexless comes from the notion that sex should only be for reproduction and not for pleasure. Therefore, if a woman is having sex for pleasure, she then becomes even more of a second-class citizen, and deemed "too masculine," "immature," and of course "slutty." Granted, there are obviously many instances where such taboo's can be turned into tawdry sexual fantasies, including dirty names like "Nancy Reagan" or "whore", or role playing like a prostitute or a syphilitic lunch lady.

Such cultural pressures also affect men. The notion that any man who isn't consistently ready to fuck is lacking in the masculine department can make a man question his self-worth if he is not feeling the need for sex or would like to do more stereotypically feminine activities like cuddle, play with flowers or douche. Granted these pressures do not have as much detrimental effects on men as they do on women, however it is still important to examine how gender stereotypes can play in to sexuality and sex drive. There are a few theories that exist examining why men are obsessed with sex. They explain that because men are often socialized to only exhibit a limited amount of emotions publicly, like happiness, anger or lust, their only medium for expressing the many other emotions they experience is through sex. While this seems a little too simplistic to me, it is quite fascinating to think that one of the main reasons for the male sex drive is not because of high levels of testosterone but due to the need to express their emotions in a socially acceptable way.

The way our sex drive fluctuates is a result of multiple factors including biological, psychological and cultural. Not one is more important than the other, but all three work hand in hand to get your human juices flowing or  collapse the sex bridge all together. It is important to note that we do not all fit into an easy to follow logical flow  chart wherein you can say, "when A happens, then B happens." As complex as we are, everybody responds to situations and circumstances differently. While one person responds to sexual trauma by shutting off sex from their life, another person may fully encompass their life with sex. If one person' desire for sex is boosted by being called dirty and objectified names, another person may respond quite negatively to this. Therefore, just because your sex drive and your understanding of your own sexuality works one way, do not assume that everybody, including your significant other, works the same way. Attempt to have an open mind and objective understanding when experiencing differing sex drives between you and your partner.

Photo courtesy of


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delilah  -  Model
Pittsburgh, PA
41 / F - Other
Posted: 12/31/07 at 06:02 PM 
Great article! Looking forward to reading more from you
omniphiliac  -  Writer
San Francisco, CA
41 / M - Attached
Posted: 01/01/08 at 10:10 AM 
Note: The first amazing half of the article was written by , her wonderful insight on the biomedical and physiological aspects of sexuality are invaluable.
Loki  -  Site Owner
Peoria, AZ
43 / M - Single
Posted: 01/01/08 at 12:34 PM 
Awesome article.  I'm liking this "dream team" already.
Jersey  -  Moderator
Jersey, 0
42 / F - Other
Posted: 01/01/08 at 03:35 PM 
Diesel  -  Writer
Akron, OH
122 / M - Married
Posted: 01/01/08 at 06:24 PM 
wow, you two did a great job!
Columbia, SC
38 / F - Attached
Posted: 01/02/08 at 05:28 PM 
Great article!
Duncanville, TX
39 / M - Single
Posted: 01/02/08 at 06:48 PM 
I know stuff! woooo

and I do have Green Monkey Kidney cells for all!
Dayton, OH
37 / M - Open Marriage
Posted: 01/03/08 at 10:14 AM 
i kinda wanna get some green monkey kidney cells...just cuz...seriously  awesome article...
Harlowe  -  Writer
Los Angeles, CA
F - Single
Posted: 01/03/08 at 01:03 PM 
Really great stuff you two!   I particularly like the discussion of gender roles and the mention that everyone is SO very different in this arena.
wingnut  -  Fine Artist
Manchester, NH
42 / M - Attached
Posted: 01/04/08 at 08:48 AM 
great article!
 Page: 1 2 

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