How Kinky Can You Be?
Decisively, admitting that you are a kinky freak makes most acquaintances run away like a super model from a Chinese buffet. It doesn’t really matter how you define kinky sex, the term alone connotes the most depraved deviant sexual behaviors in most peoples’ minds.
Writer:  omniphiliac Mar 03 07
    19 Comments



Decisively, admitting that you are a kinky freak makes most acquaintances run away like a super model from a Chinese buffet. It doesn’t really matter how you define kinky sex, the term alone connotes the most depraved deviant sexual behaviors in most peoples’ minds. They conjure up under-exposed, grainy, gruesome images of movies like “Se7en” and “Saw” or nightly news reports on the most infamous white bread lust murderers around; Dahmer, Gacy, Evilenko and the like.


It’s incredibly easy to blame the media for this one. Hell, Jerry Falwell believed Tinky Winky is gay-ifying our nation's children.  Why shouldn’t I be able to say the media gives kinky sex a bad name? It’s true, we like to focus on the most extreme cases of cannibals and electrical prodding devices. However, it detracts us from the more day-to-day reality of this all-American (and German and Japanese) sexual past time. People wouldn’t be as interested in kinky sex if they realized that they most likely dabble in it themselves in the bedroom.


So where did all this deviancy start? Did it just pop up in the 80’s with the cocaine and rave music and greediness? That would be too easy to blame. It would be beneficial for me to be able to say that there are cave paintings of women dressed in black animal skin whipping cave men, but as far as I know those paintings do not exist. Let’s do a little Sadomasochism (S/M) history 101 to start.


Dr. Krafft-Ebing, a German psychiatrist who wrote the book Psychopathia Sexualis, coined the terms Sadism and Masochism in the late 1800’s. His book is a collection of case studies of all the sexual deviants that he had come across in his practice. Sure there were the run of the mill foot and high heel fetishists or the guy who liked to be spanked by an older woman, but for the most part these case studies describe his meetings with the purest of sexual deviants in every sense of the word. Dr. Krafft-Ebing noticed that for the most part there were two types of people that came into his practice, those who liked psychological and physical pain inflicted upon them and those who liked to inflict it on others. In order to give these “disorders” their appropriate name he went to literature for some help. There he came by the Marquis De Sade, the debaucherous, deranged, decadent, and other d-words indicating moral depravity, French writer who composed stories of people with authority using their power to satiate their sexual needs, i.e. “Sadism.” Then there was Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch, an Austrian engineer who wrote “Venus in Furs,” a tawdry novel filled with musings about his desire to be dominated and degraded by women, or people in power, i.e. “Masochism.”


The funny thing is, current folks in the S/M scene are very adamant about consent, De Sade on the other hand was not very consensual. Thank God most people aren’t trying to emulate De Sade. Herein lies the problem though, most think that all people who enjoy kinky sex here and there are exactly like De Sade. Sure there are a few people who would love to be as deranged as De Sade, but they are the ones who are kicked out of the clubs and organizations that many are involved with.


Kinky sex not only gets a bad name because of our inherent interest to focus on the extreme. “Kinky” is very much a subjective term, the definition all depends on the person. It ranges from role playing to spanking to putting ice cubes where they shouldn’t be to electrical play to whips and chains and cuts and bruises…these are what little kinky people are made of. However, most people are interested in the less extreme activities. For those who are into having their sex dosed with the extreme, they are said to engage in “edge play.” Edge play involves anything that can be considered even too risqué for most of the S/m folks; including but not limited to knives, suspension bondage, electrical play, mummification and genital torture.


Kinky individuals often call non-kinky sex “vanilla,” indicating that it is plain. This usually involves the basic missionary position, non-reciprocated, with hope of reproduction sexual activity. However, most people engage in kinky behavior in one way or another without even labeling it as such. Have you ever tried to spice up your Valentine’s Day with a few costumes and a game of “Doctor and Nurse” or “Professor and Student”? These role-playing scenarios and many others often include the element of an unequal distribution of power, which can be a very attractive and hot scenario to many people depending on their mood. Who doesn’t like to give up a little power, or take on a powerful role? Who doesn’t like to give or receive a little love bite here or there? Or a no holds barred passionate sex session involving forceful grabbing, dirty talk and sexy growls?


If kinky sex is often incorporated with “regular” sex, then why differentiate the two at all? One distinct difference is that there is a lot involved before and after a S/M scene. Communication and negotiation is key. Prior to most wild sexual frolics, the people involved will discuss their limits; what they love, what they’re into trying and what they’ll never try. Since emotional and physical well-being are at risk in S/M, it is necessary to fully negotiate the scene beforehand. For the most part, kinky sex is more openly discussed than vanilla sex. Without such open communication, one is running the risk of going too far and harming their partner(s).


A common motto for S/M folks is “Safe, Sane and Consensual.” Being that such groups always run the risk of being visited by a deranged narcissistic creep, rules are necessary to have, as well as be enforced. Most S/M clubs have the appropriate rules posted on the walls so that people are always reminded. On top of that they usually have hired individuals to walk around and make sure these rules are being followed.


Safe not only means taking the necessary precautions or steering clear from that car battery you oh so want to connect to your lover, it also means being constantly aware of your surroundings and your partner(s). For example, let's say you get the following little feisty thought in your head, “Gosh, I’d sure love to try out tying my partners hands over his head to the headboard.” So you go out and buy the cheapest rope you can get, which is probably made of plastic and will rub your partners wrists raw. Later on that night while you two are getting frisky under the sheets you introduce the rope. Promptly, you tie his wrists together over his head. You tie them nice and tight with granny knots so he won’t slip out. Thirty minutes later you look up and his hands have turned a lovely shade of dark blue, and now you can’t figure out how in the hell to untie those solid knots you so cleverly made. Needless to say, what happens next is his hands fall off, he dies and goes to hell, all because you weren’t safe (ok, maybe not hell, but definitely purgatory).


Sane is just that, don’t be a lunatic for the love of God, and don’t do anything that can bring serious emotional or physical harm to someone. Certainly don’t bring your issues and baggage into an S/M scene if you can’t handle it. It’s not “What Would Jesus Do?” It’s WWDSD? “What Wouldn’t De Sade Do?”


Consensual is also simple, no means no and yes means yes. But what if a part of the scene is that “no” means “yes, yes, oh please, yes”? That’s where Safe Words come in to play. A Safe Word is an easy to remember word or phrase that you would rarely say during sex, like “orange” or “Newtonian Physics.” I’ve known some tops that like to be a little mean by making the safe word for their subs be a verse from Hamlet or simply “supercalafragilisticexpealidocious.” There’s definitely something about hearing a bottom mutter that nonsensical phrase from behind a ball gag that can even bring a smile to Queen Elizabeth’s face.


Next time you engage in any type of sex, kinky, vanilla or in between, take some pointers from the kinky crowd. Keep an open form of communication going between you and your partner(s), make sure everyone is happy, aroused, no limbs are falling off, and overall safe. You don’t have to give each other notes after you have sex, but just be aware of each other. Be aware of how you connect with your partner(s), what turns them on and off, what works well for all of you and what is the most comfortable and arousing for everyone. Oh, and don’t forget to lick the ass.




(19 comments)
 Page: 1 2 
Leila  -  Model
 
Worcester, MA
36 / F - Attached
Posted: 09/30/07 at 08:26 AM 
great article, I love me some kinky sex, especially edge play
omniphiliac  -  Writer
 
San Francisco, CA
41 / M - Attached
Posted: 10/01/07 at 04:47 PM 
edge play is damn fun! I've met a few people who have tried edge play with a person they barely know, eef!
EnidBlank  -  Model
 
Ironton, OH
39 / F - Married
Posted: 10/01/07 at 11:55 AM 
"newtonian physics" is the best safe word ever.
omniphiliac  -  Writer
 
San Francisco, CA
41 / M - Attached
Posted: 10/01/07 at 04:46 PM 
even just thinking about that term makes me all hot and bothered!
monkey3
 
Fontana, CA
44 / M - Single
Posted: 10/01/07 at 06:22 PM 
from now on "remember to lick the ass" is my new catch phrase.
omniphiliac  -  Writer
 
San Francisco, CA
41 / M - Attached
Posted: 10/01/07 at 09:52 PM 
haha, words to live by my friend
MissD
 
Aberdeen Proving Ground, MD
F - Open Marriage
Posted: 10/05/07 at 08:31 AM 
Edge play is something I'm going to have to talk to the hubby about . Kink is getting very vanilla LOL j/k . I don't think I'm hard core enough for edge play but I love my silk ropes.
omniphiliac  -  Writer
 
San Francisco, CA
41 / M - Attached
Posted: 10/05/07 at 08:55 AM 
haha "kink is getting very vanilla" that's hilarious. but you've got a point, doing the same thing for a long time gets old. Soon the missionary position will be "kinky" to you
OxiTrash
 
Fort Smith, AR
35 / F - Attached
Posted: 10/09/07 at 07:58 AM 
but I love Vanilla.
woody
 
Killeen, TX
36 / M - Attached
Posted: 10/25/07 at 07:39 PM 
drink water, stretch
Jersey  -  Moderator
 
Jersey, 0
42 / F - Other
Posted: 10/27/07 at 10:47 AM 
how did I miss this article?  its awesome!
omniphiliac  -  Writer
 
San Francisco, CA
41 / M - Attached
Posted: 10/27/07 at 02:19 PM 
Thanks missy!!
Adele
 
Granby, MA
36 / F - Single
Posted: 11/07/07 at 04:12 AM 
What would De Sade do!? I adore you, fabulous writing.
omniphiliac  -  Writer
 
San Francisco, CA
41 / M - Attached
Posted: 11/14/07 at 04:34 PM 
Thanks doll face! I have adoration in your direction as well!
Jessie_Lee  -  Model
 
Brooklyn, NY
39 / F - Single
Posted: 11/14/07 at 04:01 PM 
I actually work at a Dungeon, and our Head Mistress got her name from Marquis De Sade. She's pretty sadistic. I am also. Cheers to articles on the BDSM lifestyle!
omniphiliac  -  Writer
 
San Francisco, CA
41 / M - Attached
Posted: 11/14/07 at 04:34 PM 
That's wicked. Do you mind telling me what her name is? I'm working on more specific articles on BDSM
LincolnLush  -  Model
 
Houston, TX
F - Married
Posted: 11/25/07 at 09:31 PM 
very nice.....very very nice
omniphiliac  -  Writer
 
San Francisco, CA
41 / M - Attached
Posted: 01/03/08 at 12:38 AM 
Thank you miss!
 Page: 1 2 


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