All Sober Weekend!!
After All Cry Weekend and All Canadian Weekend, I promised a very special person that I would attempt sobriety. It sounded like a novel idea. Being sober is something I have not tried in a long time so I thought it could be fun. Now I am thinking it will be something I have to get used to, but it is definitely novel. These are just a few things that I noticed with my sober goggles on.
1. A $41 Bebe necklace is
totally worth it even if it is fake cubic zirconia.
2. People! If you cannot dance sober, you cannot dance drunk either!
3. James tabor is the
best dancer. I knew this drunk too.
4. Wearing a dress made of Soco and lime not only sucks but it is sticky and cold as well. Slozos!!
5. The cute underwear that no one is going to see was not just pointless but painless. Cute underwear is only worth it if you
know you will be going home with someone, otherwise full on full ass coverage!
6. Your black friends are the first to ditch you. This explains why they are the first to die in horror films. And Tony J and Sugah don't deny it!
7. That evil cat that is staying with you is still an evil cat.
8. High heels suck. And they suck more as the night goes on and I know that all women know this but they triply suck as the night goes on when you are sober.
9. Hey drunk guy in front of me driving home! you do not get bonus points for stopping at the stop sign for an extra long time! That will not keep your ass outta jail!
10. One AM is late. Really late! I am not old, it just is really late. When was the lastest time you stayed up that late for reasons other than drugs, alcohol, sex, or because cousin Jimmy lost his eye because he was seeing what exactly the wood chipper would chip and was hit in the eye by a flying piece of debris and it had to be removed immediately in a 8 and half hour surgery and you were there at the hospital to show your support?
11. Street sausage is
not good. I am not sure if that is even sausage. I have my speculations. I am not going to tell you out of politeness, but I will say it starts with V and rhymes with "bomb it".
12. Sobriety sucks.
13. Being the DD is a good feeling. Not nearly as good of a feeling as wondering why you are wearing a giraffe costume and are waking up to a guy wearing a name tag that reads "Choppy Bob" in the back of an IHOP in a town 33 miles SE of where you live, but a good feeling none-the-less.
14. That really tan girl taking shots and smoking. Hey chick, how many cancers you want? Oncologist don't give packaged deals, honey!
