Media'Bad Director! No Latte for you!' Bad Movie WarningsRSS
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Ping
Seattle, WA
Posts:   184
Joined:   Nov 29, 05
Posted: 12/03/05 at 12:49 AM
Oh, god.
I just paid good movie to see a movie that shot right into my Top Five Worst Wastes of Celluloid *Ever* List (oddly enough, candidate #3 was on cable when we got home-Showgirls).
Pulse is a j-horror movie about...wait, for it-haunted technology! If you've seen any other j-horror movie, you'll know what themes to expect: loneliness as the human condition, technology as social ill, blah blah. It revolves around a disk that apparently contains a self-replicating program of ghosts? And ghosts are spilling into our plane because there's is full? And people who get so lonely that they fade into the wall, leaving only a dark watermark?
Yeah, I dunno either.
It's got all the wtf moments-main characters who should know better enter into fatally haunted rooms, characters split up and leave each alone all the time, all the usual.
It does have a couple of decent, meaty scares that had me clutching my girlfriend's hand, but there just wasn't enough.

We went to see it because of the critics' buzz-they raved, we puked. It would've been nice to have a heads up, so we could have just spent our money on martinis instead.
Anyone want to share their Worst Movie Ever list?

Zero
San Francisco, CA
Posts:   786
Joined:   Dec 03, 05
Posted: 12/03/05 at 08:06 AM

- The Secret Lives of Dentists


- Haiku Tunnel


- Crash


- 200 Cigarettes


- Anger Management


- Mystic River


- S.F.W. (the winner, by far)


- Masked & Anonymous


- Vulgar


and so on.


Blackacidonkey
Helsinki, 13
Finland
Posts:   3161
Joined:   Nov 29, 05
Posted: 12/03/05 at 08:09 AM
Elektra was really bad, fell asleep before the end...

wes
Photographer
Louisville, KY
United States
Posts:   2623
Joined:   Nov 26, 05
Posted: 12/03/05 at 01:08 PM
Zero said on 12/3/2005 8:06 AM [PST]:

- Haiku Tunnel


- Crash


- 200 Cigarettes


- Anger Management


- Mystic River


- S.F.W. (the winner, by far)


- Masked & Anonymous


- Vulgar


and so on.


Which Crash?

Zero
San Francisco, CA
Posts:   786
Joined:   Dec 03, 05
Posted: 12/03/05 at 01:35 PM
wes said on 12/3/2005 1:08 PM [PST]:

- Haiku Tunnel


- Crash


- 200 Cigarettes


- Anger Management


- Mystic River


- S.F.W. (the winner, by far)


- Masked & Anonymous


- Vulgar


and so on.


Which Crash?

The one with Sandra Bullock (I've never seen the Cronenberg Crash).


Chixor
Model
Louisville, KY
United States
Posts:   17625
Joined:   Nov 07, 05
Posted: 12/03/05 at 01:37 PM
Zero said on 12/3/2005 1:35 PM [PST]:

- Haiku Tunnel


- Crash


- 200 Cigarettes


- Anger Management


- Mystic River


- S.F.W. (the winner, by far)


- Masked & Anonymous


- Vulgar


and so on.


Which Crash?

The one with Sandra Bullock (I've never seen the Cronenberg Crash).


Phew...I LOVE the Cronenberg one, with James Spader, Holly Hunter, Roseanne Arquiette (sp?) and of course the guy from Law & Order SVU.

Laputa
Photographer
Atlanta, GA
United States
Posts:   7645
Joined:   Nov 23, 05
Posted: 12/04/05 at 11:16 AM
hmm. i really really liked Crash.

Kaitee
Atlanta, GA
United States
Posts:   801
Joined:   Nov 28, 05
Posted: 12/04/05 at 01:50 PM
Moonlight Mile and The Butterfly Effect are two of the worst I've ever seen.

Jacquie
Writer
Los Angeles, CA
United States
Posts:   47
Joined:   Dec 04, 05
Posted: 12/04/05 at 04:00 PM
Zero said on 12/3/2005 8:06 AM [PST]:

- Haiku Tunnel


- Crash


- 200 Cigarettes


- Anger Management


- Mystic River


- S.F.W. (the winner, by far)


- Masked & Anonymous


- Vulgar


and so on.


I really liked Crash and Mystic River...i thoguht they were awesome. Never seen the others.

Brainless
Village Idiot
Pitman, NJ
United States
Posts:   2388
Joined:   Nov 22, 05
Posted: 12/04/05 at 04:48 PM
Showgirls is a cinematic masterpiece.

Blackacidonkey
Helsinki, 13
Finland
Posts:   3161
Joined:   Nov 29, 05
Posted: 12/04/05 at 04:52 PM
Brainless said on 12/4/2005 4:48 PM [PST]:
Showgirls is a cinematic masterpiece.

It´s not much as a film (although it has it´s fair share of T&A) but the soundtrack is pretty good. Songs from David Bowie, Sisters Of Mercy and Killing Joke among others. The KJ track is an exclusive song too!

Ping
Seattle, WA
Posts:   184
Joined:   Nov 29, 05
Posted: 12/04/05 at 06:59 PM
Jacquie said on 12/4/2005 4:00 PM [PST]:

- Haiku Tunnel


- Crash


- 200 Cigarettes


- Anger Management


- Mystic River


- S.F.W. (the winner, by far)


- Masked & Anonymous


- Vulgar


and so on.


I really liked Crash and Mystic River...i thoguht they were awesome. Never seen the others.

I liked Crash as well!

Some other awful movies:
Wrong Turn
Varsity Blues
Far From Heaven
Stigmata
Blue Velvet
Cry_Wolf
Titanic

Dia
Napa, CA
Posts:   979
Joined:   Nov 14, 05
Posted: 12/04/05 at 08:31 PM

Heehee, I lived with a guy who worked at a video store, and feel like I've seen every crappy movie under the sun.


I really think Leprachaun in Space (#4 I think) is the worst movie, hands down of all time, superceding even Hell Comes to Frogtown (which had it's kitsch charm, and I would say I like it in a Kull sense, dude, Kull ruled). There's a scene where the space alien chick randomly rips her shirt open for cinematic effect in total non-sequitor and it's not really mentioned in the film. It just happens. However, I think Terms of Endearment might actually be more potently soul-deadening, not to mention, motherfucking insipid. Or was it Steel Magnolias? I can't keep the two straight but know they were both really unwatchable.


That I've actually sat in the lobby of the theater, versus watching them, when forced to go with friends, is sort of legendary. Like sometimes I'll wind up just talking to the popcorn guy I am so fucking bored in a movie. Or worse, falling asleep. I list the following movies as such:


Movies I've wandered around during after paying $ to see and/or slept through: Two If By Sea, Speed 2 (oh no, a boat, slowly meandering towards the shore for 2 hours), Showgirls (like everyone else), Species, You've Got Mail, the Butterfly Effect (notably bad), Not Just Another Teen Movie, and recently The Brothers Grimm. I also found myself asleep during Shakespeare In Love & Me, Myself, and Irene.




Edited by Dia on : 12/4/2005 8:32 PM


Edited by Dia on : 12/4/2005 8:33 PM

ManWithoutSkin
Writer
Remsen, NY
Posts:   526
Joined:   Nov 27, 05
Posted: 12/04/05 at 10:53 PM
Dia said on 12/4/2005 8:31 PM [PST]:

I really think Leprachaun in Space (#4 I think) is the worst movie, hands down of all time, superceding even Hell Comes to Frogtown (which had it's kitsch charm, and I would say I like it in a Kull sense, dude, Kull ruled). There's a scene where the space alien chick randomly rips her shirt open for cinematic effect in total non-sequitor and it's not really mentioned in the film. It just happens. However, I think Terms of Endearment might actually be more potently soul-deadening, not to mention, motherfucking insipid. Or was it Steel Magnolias? I can't keep the two straight but know they were both really unwatchable.


That I've actually sat in the lobby of the theater, versus watching them, when forced to go with friends, is sort of legendary. Like sometimes I'll wind up just talking to the popcorn guy I am so fucking bored in a movie. Or worse, falling asleep. I list the following movies as such:


Movies I've wandered around during after paying $ to see and/or slept through: Two If By Sea, Speed 2 (oh no, a boat, slowly meandering towards the shore for 2 hours), Showgirls (like everyone else), Species, You've Got Mail, the Butterfly Effect (notably bad), Not Just Another Teen Movie, and recently The Brothers Grimm. I also found myself asleep during Shakespeare In Love & Me, Myself, and Irene.



On to my list...


Rosemary's baby - FUCK THAT MOVIE. 2 and a half hours of totally unfrightening chit-chat. Polanki should stick to what he does best, hitting on women on the way to his wife's funeral and raping teenagers.


The Grudge - was there a fucking plot to this movie? I waited 45 minutes for one to show up and then I just gave up and changed the channel.


Ray - Yeah Ray Charles lived an interesting life, surprise surprise. But The fact that every fucking hack critic keeps praising Jamie Foxx's performance and he won a god damn oscar makes me sick. He sounded like "The Waterboy" for fucks sake! I kept waiting for him to ask Coach Klein for some smack.


Beaches - Fuck Bette Midler and any of the assholes who would want to see her in a movie.


Higher Learning - John Singleton's career took a nosedive with this one and rightfully so. Most one-sided, racially biased bullshit ever to not be recognized as such. According to that movie the only good white people are the attractive women and long hair emasculated pussies. Any other is a racist and will shoot people with a sniper rifle. Insane. And stop hiring rappers to act.


Lost Highways - This movie makes no sense. If you think it does, you are wrong. It's stupid hacky bullshit. The only god qualities are the soundtrack and that part where Robert Loggia is yelling at that tailgater.


25th hour - Spike Lee sucks. I don't know how he got a reputation for being a good director, but it's undeserved.


Pretty woman - Give me a fucking break. And I hate Julia Roberts. And if you don't have the fucking guts to get naked on film, don't take a part that requires you to and thereby deprive some other actress of it who cares enough about her performance enough that she would. Horsefaced cunt.


Anything with Vin Diesel - That man's acting is so ham-fisted he ruins everything he's in, even if he didn't star in horribly written tripe. And yes I'm including Saving Private Ryan.


I'm done for now.


Ping
Seattle, WA
Posts:   184
Joined:   Nov 29, 05
Posted: 12/04/05 at 11:59 PM
Oh, man. I worked at a major video rental place for a few years. That is the *only* reason I saw Titanic. It was, er, strongly suggested that we view it because we had to be able to talk about movies with our customers and that one was a bit popular.
Ah, the stories...

Rosemary's Baby was good solely for Mia Farrow. She didn't need to do anything else, just be Rosemary in that movie.
And I forgive Buffy a lot of things so Grudge gets an ok by me.
I drew the line at Ring 2. Who the hell lets a friggin' little kid chew scenery like that?

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